There is this spot on my balcony, outside my front door, that always smells like jasmine. It's the most incredible smell, most of the time. It greets me as I go to work, encouraging me to have a nice day. It welcomes me home after a long day of worrying about material, unimportant things. It was the deciding factor when I looked at the apartment, a sort of omen on how these next 10 months would go.

Tonight is different.

It's been raining for two days, a glorious pounding that proudly announces, "I am here! I am RAIN!" while at other times, it is a gentle mist, a caress that woos. I am wooed.

I stepped out of my front door, and did not smell the enticing jasmine, was not won over by the refreshment of rain. No. Someone has been smoking out here. Disgusting. Usually, I can't stand the smell.

Tonight is different, I tell you.

I closed my eyes, and smelled London. It was the exact smell on the doorstep of my hostel.

I don't know if it's because London is so rainy and wet and so much the same city as Austin. I don't know if it was because I was standing on a doorstep. I don't know if it's because all day I've been comparing the two, finding as much satisfaction here as I did in London.

Whatever it is, it brought back in a rush all the feelings and sensations of my time in London. It made me miss it, but it also brought a same sense of comfort.

In London, I felt brave, I felt as if I were actually taking steps in my own life, as if I were actually living it the way I wanted it to go, instead of passively accepting circumstances. I was creating my own circumstances.

And tonight, all of that was brought back, and I realized I can and am doing the same thing here. Nobody said I had to move to Austin; there was no real 'reason' behind it. I did it because I wanted it. I did it because I didn't want to do the easy thing. Because being brave is NOT easy, and I have been a coward my entire life. So enough of cowardice.